An Open Letter to those who think everyone else should know how hard it is to be you.

Recently, Gwyneth Paltrow made headlines by telling everyone how easy an office job is compared to her high tempo acting job.  She isn’t the first to hear the Twitter reverberation that comes from the offended masses. Tom Cruise had fun when his quote was misquoted and he compared working on the set to fighting in Afghanistan. How dare he!!

Before you get twisted and refuse to read the rest of what I’m about to smack you with, take a breather and open your mind for just half a second. How dare you or I get offended by someone who clearly does not know what it is like to work an office job? How dare the majority of us act like we have a clue what it might be like to be famous? Do you read the endless headlines stamped all over the aisles in your local grocery store? Don’t tell me you don’t! We all do, it is like a train wreck that we cannot.avert.our.eyes.from.! Imagine having that hot shot of you in your bikini with your cottage cheese hanging out for the world to see? Or the bad day face that was probably one of a 1000 shots that stupid photographer took? Or even better, how about getting chased down by crazed fans while you are trying to take your kids home? Do you have a clue? No, you sure as hell do not. 

Ask yourself this, Is it hard to be a taxi cab driver? Or a doctor? Or how about the guy that picks up your trash at four in the morning? Or how about that rich CEO who works 80 hours a week? I’m going to say these are not easy jobs and I really have no idea what is involved except what my imagination (from various media sources) tells me. I’ve worked office jobs and every single office is different. I was in a play once and was terrified that the 100 people watching would judge me. Imagine millions. 

This is the thing people, you are not special. You don not have a clue about 99% of the knowledge that is afloat in the world. You only know your world and when someone offends your world, you act like they should have known better. Give me a break and please, get over yourself. Instead of a smart ass remark that goes viral, how about you forgive her for imagining that the life of an office worker is better than hers? How about we realize that the tried and true statement is actually true. The grass is always greener on the other side. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, which yes, is what you are doing. I work so hard, and I get up so early, and I only have a few minutes to drink my coffee. Boo hoo. 

I am a Mom, I go to school full time, I work and I’m a Reservist. Some days I get up at 9 am, some days I get up at 5 am. Today I got up at 4am, for no reason at all. Some weeks, nothing gets done and sometimes I actually accomplish a few things. Now, am I jealous that I did not take theater seriously or finish my degree 20 years ago when I had the chance? Sure am! Do I get jealous? Yes I do. Do I go off on a tangent and scream “Offended, Offended!!” every time someone dares to guess what my life is like? No I do not. Why do I care? Why do you care?

Everyone has it tough. Not one person in this world has it easy, no matter what you may “imagine” in your head. Money does not cause happiness, by you love nor is it the root of all evil. It is just a necessity to get through life. It truly should have no bearing on how you judge someone. What they do with it is a different story. 

Gwyneth Paltrow made a statement based on what she thinks is the life of an office worker. She did not specify what kind of office worker, she just was relating it to the typical 9-5 job which the majority of us have. Give her a break. Give yourself a break for God’s sake and let the Universe handle itself. Be proud of who you are and that you aren’t being chased down by paparazzi or getting hate mail for daring to wish for a simpler life. 

What it really means to be a kid at heart.

Tonight was a rough night. I find myself having lots of arguments in my head lately. I decided to psychoanalyze myself and figure out who I am.

I don’t know what kind of person you are, but I am a giver. I constantly put others before myself. I’m a Leo, if that helps you understand. Just seems to be in our nature to rule the pride. Well, recently, life has been tough. In fact, it has been turned upside down. So here I am trying to put it right side up but it is heavy and I’m worried I’m going to get crushed. Why not just ask for help?

What is help exactly? Is that me asking and you doing as little as possible to actually help or is it you offering to help…and actually helping because you want to?  Can you tell I’m a woman?

I’m a helper and I try to offer help because I know how it feels to ask for help and everyone shrink away. Asking sucks but some people have no issues asking. I on the other hand suck at asking and feel like asking makes me weak. Weak to myself. How stupid right? Like really? I’m really going to judge myself because not enough people in the fucking world judge me.

The root of the issue is, I’m worried about what others might think of me. Now it is this thought that led to many other thoughts about my life right now. I was thinking to myself, I’m almost 37 years old. Why do I give a fuck what other people think? Why does it even fucking matter? Why do I care that I might be judged? I have no idea really…or at least at that moment I did not.

I constantly feel like I need to be careful about what I do or say because someone…friends, family….special ones, might get upset. So I talk to myself. This is why women are nuts.

My realization on this fear of asking for help or standing up for myself seems to be stemming from…..yeah, you got it! Childhood. There was a moment when I was very young that changed the course of my whole life. I couldn’t tell you if it was for the better or worse but I certainly struggled for years.  This moment was in the midst of all that and I was potentially being dramatic or upset and I used my issue as an excuse. The response I received after this declaration was one of apathy.

It is this moment that changed the way I acted and reacted to emotional issues. I’m a cold person if something is wrong with you. I become selfish and angry. But when I am in trouble or just need to blurt out how I am feeling, I stop myself. Because I am afraid people will think of me, what I think of them. Pretty fucked up.

I’m stuck in a moment of childhood and I do not know how to get out of it. I meditate a lot but not enough about my own path.

I’m not sure this is a first step or anything, ha! I just feel like recognizing these weird moments that shape our person are important to reflect on, even if it is just with ourselves.