A Day in the life of Divorce

She is leaving. Her mind isn’t quite made up but something deep down is guiding her to this conclusion. He won’t change, and she knows this. She has told herself this over and over again. “People don’t change”. Everyone reminds her of this even though she takes pride in trying or accomplishing change. She feels like she is manipulating her own thoughts.

“You know you have to do this.”

“You know it’s the right thing to do.”

“You know this is what you want.”

Or is it? Does she know what she wants or is she flying by the seat of her pants? Is she willing to throw it all away for this gut feeling? With every question, another question comes up and she can’t shake the feeling that her uncertainty worries her.

She begins to analyze her life. She was vibrant and full of life and now she feels weak without direction. She was driven and grasped on to her career with vigor and enthusiasm. Now she isn’t working and has no desire to do so. She felt pretty and confident. Today she feels ugly and wonders where her glow went. She thinks he did this to her. This soulmate has sucked the energy from her.

She tells him, its over. She is afraid to see his reaction but hopes it will be easier then the road leading up to this momentous decision. He is mad, but he doesn’t cry this time. The coldness, which lies deep within, makes a quick appearance and vanishes quickly. She hasn’t seen his cold side in a very long time. The last time was now a refreshed memory of separation and pain. Last time he walked away with not so much as a look in her direction, leaving her alone, son in hand, at the airplane. Today she is walking away.

She begins to pack. Daydreams filled with age appropriate apartments, a career and a new lease on life dance through her head. The nagging feeling is gone, she feels confident in her decision. Oh the possibilities are endless.

A few days go by and she is counting the days until she can physically leave. She is moving away, to another state. She has a support system there and feels it is the best move for her. Her son will stay with him for awhile. That will be hard.

Something has changed. She senses it but cannot put her finger on it. Like an energy shift, the air was unrecognized. He seems fine. He has come to the conclusion that this is best. He seems weird. He is acting weird. Over a decade of living with this man and she doesn’t recognize him. He’s going to dinner at a friends house. He has been leaving a lot. It feels strange watching him go out and enjoy life when he mostly sat around when they were together.  “What time are you going?” she asks. “You are leaving at 6?……pause…..are you taking our son?”. He is not, why would he? She just asked that because she had nothing else to say but felt weird not saying more. Only a few more days and she will be on her way. “You aren’t going till 8 now?” she asks, perplexed. Why would you invite someone to dinner and not know when your wife was coming home to cook it? She continues packing, thinking about what she will make for dinner. ” Now you aren’t going to dinner? ….what kind of problems? ohhhh….marriage issues?”. This is the strangest situation she’s ever heard! Invited to dinner, pushed out for a couple of hours, now dinner is off because wife and hubby are having issues.

She’s in the kitchen, getting the pan out.

“Why are you going over there?”

His friend needs someone to lean on. “You might stay the night?”

He met someone. She hides this thought from her face. She tends to give away feelings with her face. She watches him walk out of the house. Something shifts within her. She doesn’t realize it, only senses it slightly. But, other thoughts are consuming her mind now. Maybe she is letting her imagination get the best of her.

Her and son eat dinner. She makes his lunch for the next day. She wonders if he will come back, after all he did tell her he might stay over. The boy goes to bed, giving her a big kiss as he runs through the house to his room, leaving giggles in his wake. Maybe she should send him a text and ask if he is going to stay so she can set the alarm if she has to? That sounds good…………

…….

…….

…….

“ok”.

He is coming back. She questions her first reaction. Crawling in bed, she tells herself, no big deal after all.

Time for coffee. He’s gone and son is on his bike, heading to school. Driving always evokes a little meditation on her part. She allows her mind to take over for a bit while her conscience takes care of the driving. She allows it to happen, allows it to come in, take a seat and get comfy on the mush of her brain. She couldn’t help it, what happened last night was weird and she cannot let it go. Why can’t she? She is troubled once again with this feeling that keeps coming back to her. What is she doing? Is she making the right decision? Was he with her last night?

She should be jumping for joy, after all, she asked God to make this easy on him. What is easier then meeting someone new? But I’m still here.

I have to know.

He has a lock on his phone. When did that happen? I’ve never looked at his phone before. He has it plugged in near his feet. There is no room to walk between the couch and table, what if I kick him on accident? I’d be caught and that would really suck. You’ve been married to him for 11 years! Walk over to the phone, unplug it and walk away, NOW! Deep breath, go!

####, *enter

It worked. Find the texts, find her name, scroll scroll scroll…..keywords:

miss

baby

can’t wait

hate

see you soon

lunch

I never loved her.

She is shaking. Stop shaking. Stop shaking. Deep breaths. Close it. Put it back. Go lay down. Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t cry.

You wanted this.

I know I did.

Then why are you crying?

Because I love him.

Then why are you leaving?

I don’t know.

 

My Coffee loves my Coaster

This is a shill post but purely innocent, I profess.

This morning, I woke up a tad late. Due to my uncanny sleep pattern last night, I decided to blow it off and watch a cheesy, very late night, movie called “Angels and Insects”. I prefer not to link to this strange 1800’s set movie as it is not worth looking up. But I regress.

I was awaken by my son at around 1030am, brushing my hair with his hand. Cute, yes…but certainly didn’t help me continue the restful sleep I was enduring. So I got up. I fired up my new/used Rancilio Silvia, the new love of my life, and began the hardy but well-worth process of making myself a heavy two-shot cappuccino.

After the froth and pour, and a scoop of sugar…yes real sugar, not that pansy fake crap, I strolled to my computer and sat my tired ass down. As I did this, still apparently half asleep, I had a little spill on my desk. Instead of getting my tired ass up, Icalled out to my husband to grab me a paper towel and a coaster. He brought me one of my favorites…and so the shilling shall begin!

My parents have owned businesses all their life…or..all my life. Some good, some not so good but all had their heart and soul. In the last 6 years or so, my Mother began selling old 45’s. Some of you should know what I’m talking about but most may not. Old records. Small, ancient relics of our music history, which became quite popular in the 1940’s and 50’s. I know our technology moves fast but most, I’m sure, grew up with a record player in the house. It always had that small round insert sitting in it’s bevelled spot, always ready for a 45rpm to be played. I’m sure there is a technical name for that round plastic thingy majig but I’m too lazy to look it up! Nevertheless, these little vinyl round records of #1 hits and one-hit wonders had become my Mom’s new obsession. It’s not as easy as just selling them, they have to be rated. Some are worth hundreds, some a couple of cents. And unfortunately, as many other things in our lives, some were not taken care of  and were considered unsellable.

After a couple of years of trashing vinyl, my parents came up with their most brilliant idea. They stopped throwing them away and began a very long process of figuring out how to make the perfect coaster out of our favorite hits.

This started the craft show party train. I was lucky enough to have just moved back from Germany to see some of their first shows and it was a sight to behold! Radio Stations are a joke these days and I admit I rarely listen to them. Because of this and the lack of really great hits each station genre plays…we forget what memories were created around our favorite songs. My Mom and Dad have tapped in to the millions of memories hidden in our hearts and souls. Customers would stroll by, not taking a second glance and the day would start out depressing. Then it would happen. Someone would take a chance on my parents “Rock and Roll Coaster” booth.

They would act uninterested, walking around aimlessly in the 10X10 space until something would catch their eye. Maybe it was the label design, maybe it’s the genre, band or song but they would stop, pick it up and you could see their mind backtracking to a memory. They would say, “I remember this song.” My Mom, who can sell ice to an eskimo, would say something like, “Oh, such a great song!” and either would tell a short story of the song and band or would start singing it. Brilliant to say the least! This attracts more customers and my parents begin a journey down someone elses memory lane. It’s fantastic to watch because everyone loves to hear themselves speak and everyone wants to tell their own story. It’s a domino effect and before you know it, they have 4, 6, even 10 coasters balancing in their hands. I, myself, am purely guilty of this. I have 8 coasters. Some I bought because the label is so freaking cool and others because I love the song or band.

This morn, I was blessed with “Good Morning Starshine”  from the original movie soundtrack of “Hair” from 1979. A movie my parents of the 60’s allowed me to grow up with. It is one of my favorite songs from the movie:

And here is my coaster with my half drunken cup of coffee….

Isn’t it sweet? Everyone who visits my humble abode always notices them and of course I begin the tale of how my parents came about selling these precious gems.

They have a website, they sell on etsy and I got them a blog here on good ole’ wordpress, 45Revolution’s. I’ll link to “The Needles” which is the about them page and which I have written. Yes, I’ll shill my writing skills because if I do say so myself, it’s some of my best work!

I invite you to look and preferrably buy because, hey, let’s face it….we’re all broke right now but birthday’s are still happening, Mom and Pop days will still come this year and before we know it, good ole break the bank Christmas will be here. They are cheap, but memory jilting priceless!